Jeanne Sparks had what many would call an idyllic childhood filled with the love of her hardworking, middle-class parents, bi-annual vacations and warm celebrations at Christmas. “I was raised in church,” says Jeanne. “I went to private schools. Our needs were met abundantly. They were very protective of us.” Like many teenagers, Jeanne went through a rebellious phase experimenting with over-the-counter antihistamines, like Actifed, alcohol and cigarettes. She met and ran away with her high school sweetheart at age 16, forcing her parents’ hand in allowing them to get married by feigning pregnancy. The couple soon started a family and, while it was a struggle to make ends meet, they were happy. In her early-20’s however, Jeanne’s life took an unexpected turn that would lead her into a decades-long addiction.
After experiencing trauma and profound grief surrounding the death of a loved one, Jeanne became despondent. “I just dove headfirst into depression,” says Jeanne. “I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to wash the dishes. I didn’t want to cook. Obviously, the kids ate, but I wasn’t a mother.” Unable to cope, and without access to mental health care, Jeanne stumbled upon the now-discontinued Lortab (a prescription drug that combines the opioid pain reliever hydrocodone with non-opioid acetaminophen) after a dental procedure. “I loved it,” Jeanne says of the opioid. “I liked doing the dishes again. I liked everything.” The drug offered a temporary escape from her despair, creating a dangerous illusion of normalcy and functionality.
The Downward Spiral
The path from prescription pain medication to full-blown addiction was swift. Within five years of that first Lortab, Jeanne lost custody of her children. Jeanne’s first attempts at sobriety led her to disreputable methadone clinics, which exacerbated her issues. “I could no longer drive, but I did sometimes drive myself to the clinic, because you get sick if you miss [a dose],” says Jeanne, recalling the effects of too-high methadone dosages. “I would have to crank the radio up to full blast and scream the song to stay awake.” A harrowing attempt to come off methadone unsupervised led to a severe mental break, where Jeanne believed she was living in a movie, a period she now refers to as “Truman Show syndrome.” This delusion, coupled with a growing dependence on other substances, led Jeanne down an even darker path and stints in and out of jail. Ultimately, Jeanne and her husband, who began misusing opioids about two years after her, were both arrested for drug manufacturing and trafficking. Her husband took the brunt of the punishment in exchange for a deal to allow Jeanne to serve her probationary period first.
An Ultimatum
By 2011, Jeanne was using crystal meth and OxyContin intravenously. “So many years of just horrible stuff, you know, him being in prison, me trying to support an addiction while he’s in prison, I turned to prostitution,” says Jeanne. “All the while my kids suffering through all of it.” Her oldest daughter, Monica, had been frantically searching for Jeanne, who at one point hid in a drainpipe to avoid discovery. Monica finally tracked her down and delivered an ultimatum. “She said, ‘Mama, if you don’t do something, you will never see us or the kids again’,” says Jeanne. “She meant her and her sister, and my grandchildren.” This pivotal moment, combined with the support of her father, set Jeanne on a new course. About three weeks after the ultimatum, high on morphine and actively seeking ways to game the system so she could go back to using, Jeanne entered the Lovelady Center, a faith-based, residential recovery program in Birmingham, Alabama.
Jeanne found herself suspicious of the staff, wondering why anyone would want to help “criminal junkies.” In the coming weeks, as Jeanne experienced mornings waking up without thinking about drugs, the genuine care and concern of the staff and a fragile reconnection with her faith, she had a turning point. During a devotion, when Lovelady’s now Executive Director Melinda MeGahee, seemingly unprompted, stated, “Somebody here needs to know that God does not want you to be insane.” This moment, a direct answer to Jeanne’s private prayer, solidified Jeanne’s belief and commitment to recovery.
Living in the Light
Fifteen years have passed since Jeanne entered recovery. She works in the development department at the Lovelady Center and cherishes her daily routine, which includes waking up happy — a stark contrast to her days of depression and addiction. Jeanne has navigated life’s challenges, including breast cancer and the dissolution of two marriages, without relapsing and enjoys her role as grandmother to seven grandchildren.
“I am most grateful for my kids saying, I never want to see you again,” says Jeanne, also expressing gratitude for every law enforcement officer and judge who played a role in forcing her to face the consequences of her addiction. She says now she better understands the pain, addiction and shame cycle, especially for women. “We have so many in society who are covering pain and we think they just want to party,” says Jeanne. “They’re surviving.”
